Chemo rut brain dump

My 4th chemo. Chemo taste in mouth, in my gut, everywhere.

I smell like chemo, disgusted, feeling it's getting heavier every chemo round. Trying to read, trying to eat, trying things, but getting restless and frustrated. Not sick, but just exhausted. Frustration is piling up. Stupid Corona, stupid lockdown. Come on, just put your make up on and go outside. Again, the chemo taste in mouth, in my gut, everywhere. Frustrations is going over in anger, in hate, every stupid complain on the radio and on tv. Nobody knows shit. Come on, just put your shoes on and go outside. Bumping into my husbund, yes, now I can trow my anger out on him. No, no no, this is not the way, You Go Outside. Shoes on. No, I'm too exhausted. YOU GIRL GO OUTSIDE.

Walking outside. Music in my ears, just some best of the '00. Breathing in and out, step by step. You did it girl. Life is beautiful.

@home again, taking shoes off, doorbell rang. My sweet neighbor with delish turkish food. This day is getting better and better.

Thank you for this day.